Will's Picks - NFL Week 2

You ready to learn a thing or two? If so, not sure why the hell you’re here, but let’s go ahead and win some money. 

Indianapolis (+3.5) to Cover

I am getting dangerously close to taking Indy to win outright against the Rams, but I’ll be honest, this Matthew Stafford suck-fest (shoutout ESPN) is scaring me a bit, so give me the points. I’m definitely not slandering LA, because I like the way that they’re built, but the Colts will end up being a solid squad as well. Carson Wentz got dealt a tough hand in week one going up against Russell Wilson who is notoriously good early in the season. On the flipside, the Rams beat a pee-wee team in Week 1, so it’s tough to give a shit about their first win. Traveling east always sucks so give me the Colts +4, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Red Rocket Wentz pulls off the win.

• Rams 24, Colts 21

New Orleans v Carolina over 44.5

I am in love with Jameis Winston. There, I said it. This stud dodges giant scrotums while training, gives all-time answers during post-game interviews, and throws five touchdowns in his Saints debut. What can’t he do?! I don’t see a scenario in which the Saints win fewer than 10 games this season, and that has a lot to do with Captain Jameis and his offense. On the flip-side, it turns out Sam Darnold might not suck now that he has a competent coach, and I expect more comfort and consistency from the Carolina offense in Week 2. Even though I Iike the Saints’ defense, I wouldn’t be surprised if Chirstian McCaffery and Alvin Kamara bring beanbags and snacks and get comfy in the endzones. Take the over. 

• Saints 27, Panthers 20

Arizona (-3.5) v Minnesota

This was the easiest pick of the weekend for me, as I expect Kyler Murray + his absolutely stacked receiving corps to dominate the Vikings. If he manages to stay healthy, Kyler will have a monster season, and he’ll keep rolling in Week 2. Additionally, Arizona looks decent on the defensive side of the ball as well (no disrespect to the boy Taylor Lewan), so it’s tough to think the Vikings can really compete in any phase of the game. Sure, Kirk Cousins put up decent numbers in Week 1, but does anybody actually have serious faith in the guy? It also doesn’t help that Zimmer’s defense looks like dog shit. This one won’t be close - give me Arizona in a blowout.  

• Cardinals 31, Vikings 20
  
  
  

The Puppy Parlay

Week 2 is the best time to bet on some HOME DAWGS. Everyone is an idiot and overreacts, so let’s capitalize on the fact that nobody knows what’s going on. 

The Bet: (+828) Parlay: Jacksonville +6, New York Jets +6, Baltimore ML 

Jacksonville +6 v Denver (-106)

Jacksonville’s world is crashing down - Trevor Lawrence is a bust and Urban Meyer might actually be on a plane to USC right now...oh wait, it’s only been ONE WEEK!? Everyone needs to chill the fuck out. In Week 2, T-Law is going to prove that he’s (believe it or not) NOT a bust, and Denver will be hurt by the absence of Jerry Jeudy and Ronald Darby. Duuuuval will keep this one close.

New York Jets +6 vs. New England (-110)

This game is a battle of the rookie QBs, and both of them look impressive. I’m not touching the moneyline, but I’m confident that it’ll be close in the end, regardless of who ends up pulling it out. As much as everyone wants Mac Jones to be TB12 right away, the kid has to prove himself first. It’s a new AFC East, and the Patriots won’t run through the division like they’re used to doing with an awkward, slow white guy at the helm. This one ends with a game winning field goal.

Baltimore ML vs. Kansas City (+145)

I know Patrick Mahomes is not human, but guess what? Neither is the guy in purple and black. Lamar Jackson dominates the regular season, and he’s not going to go down 0-2 to start 2021. The Ravens run game is going to put up numbers, even though the offense is missing a few pieces, and Lamar will get his first career win against Mahomes on Sunday. Bawl-mer gets it done in Week 2.

The I Hate Myself Parlay

How do you guarantee that you won’t lose every single bet on Sundays? You fade the shit out of yourself. In Week 2, I’ll be debuting the “I Hate Myself Parlay”, which is a combination of three picks that I FIRMLY believe will lose. This guarantees that, even if I end up being wrong, I’ll be right. 

The Bet: (+3421) Parlay: Dolphins ML, Texans ML, Panthers ML 

Miami ML (+150) vs. Buffalo

I am 100% confident that this will be a bounce-back game for Josh Allen against a defense without their best interior lineman. Buffalo simply cannot lose this game. 

Houston ML (+510) vs. Cleveland 

There’s not a chance Houston can pull off two in a row, this time against one of the AFC’s best teams. I have full faith in Baker Mayfield against a team led by a preacher and a career-long backup.  

Carolina ML (+140) vs. New Orleans 

I love what I’ve seen from Jameis, and Darnold is going to have a tough time going up against a very strong Saints defense. I plan on turning this game off in the second quarter, after New Orleans jumps on them early.

Let’s ride. 

Will